2020
Phuket with kham - condo vietnam with kham singaproe with kham
Thailand Elite visa
In Thailand to see condos, Covid
In 2020, Laos closed its borders and there were challenges flying internationally, so I could not go to Laos or see my daughter. I spent considerable time sorting Legos in the basement, which I bought in collections in various conditions. I also spent time landscaping, creating what I called the Covid Trail on some property owned mainly by the condominiums to the West of my house.
Kham was not happy with the situation. I felt like our relationship had ended - she would send me photos and videos of Wendy and sometimes Namneung, but she would not send me pictures of herself despite my requests. I continued to provide for all of them financially.
//TODO: 2021 //TODO: ages and grades //TODO: employers
Things didn't change much with Kham.
***//TODO: 2022 ***
At the en of April in 2022, I turned 39 years old.
tried to support Kham's businesses: healthcare products, logistics business
2020: Covid Comes
//TODO: condos collapse //TODO: In April of 2020, I turned 47 yars old. In August, Ben turned nine and started grade X at X. In OCtober, John turned eleven and started X grade in the fall of that year at X.
At the beginning of 2020, I was in Laos. I went to Chiang Mai to see Belle in relation to some condos in which she was to help me invest. While there, the airline informed me that my flight through Korea had been cancelled due to Covid. When I tried to rebook, they told me that airlines were not booking flights to the USA anymore. Somehow I was eventually able to book a flight through Manilla, which (to my knowledge) was the only time that I have ever landed in the Philippines.
In Asia, especially in airports, people often wear masks, and Covid increased their use. I was really shocked when I landed in the USA and virtually nobody had a mask. I knew that Covid was going to be bad in the USA, but I actually didn't care, as I have always though that the world has too many people, especially sick old people.
I reached out to Kaiser for counseling a few times. After explaining my situation to one counselor, she agreed that my mental state was unlikely to improve until I addressed the situation with Susan. Another counselor at another time was largely useless. After Susan eventually left, I talked to an intake person that was supposed to connect me to a counselor. After I explained my situation to him, he suggested that I had Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (COTSD) from my childhood and marriage. Researching this topic turned out to be very helpful for me.
I did not handle the stress of living with Susan well. Sleeping in the basement was not enough. She would come down to the basement without giving me any warning, which she knew was very stressful for me.
One one such visit, I showed her the original text that I had written and sent her online before she and I met. This described who I was and what I sought in a relationship. It specifically asked that people read it twice and not contact me if they were not a good fit, as I had been hurt before. I highlighted the parts that made her appear to have approached me dishonestly, which was literally most of it.
//TODO: images
In a conversation with Susan some time later, almost in tears (sometimes she can seem almost human), she stated that I must hate her, and seemed to feel that my perspective was justified. I explained that I forgave her.
When she took me back to divorce court in 2025, it was hard to maintain that grace.
I now believe that at this time in 2020 I was having bipolor epiosodes (previously called manic depression). While I was often depressed, I would sometimes seem to have unlimitted energy, unable to sleep. I would leave the house to walk for hours, even on the freeway at night - relatively risky and somewhat crazy behavior.
One night I woke up and needed to go to the bathroom. I don't know if I was exhaused or dehydrated or what, but I apparently fainted, fell, and hit the back of my head on the strip of metal that holds the glass door in the shower. I did not need stitches. I assume that I stil have the scar.
I remember another time when Susan came to talk to me when I was in the hot tub and I started slapping and hitting myself. I was angry at my mistakes, specifically marrying Susan, having children, and then having Wendy in Laos. I didn't tell Susan about Wendy until after the divorce. In this event, I actually broke the little finger on my right hand. I never got it treated, so it is still stiff and bent. It's just another physical scar.
//TODO: manipulation book
In late spring of 2020, I had what I consider to be my first known psychotic break. I am confident that this was from the stress of living with Susan, but at the same time, I realized that insiders at StackOverflow were manipulating the system. I realized that such technologies could be used to manipulate people, potentially into real-world actions, and became very concerned.
I knew that I needed to get away from Susan and decided to try to visit my brothers. I arranged to stay with my brother James with his wife at his condo in Walnut Creek, which is a little east of San Francisco.
I remember Susan standing in front of me to block my path. She might claim that she was worried about me, but this did not seem to be the case - the most distressing thing in my life at that moment was her presence in it. I was literally hopping up and down until she got out of my way.
I think I drove from Portland to Walnut Creek. When I got there, I explained my story about Stack Overflow and that I was going to get that website off the Internet. Of course, they thought I was crazy, but didn't treat me badly at all.
I think I did some other things while I was in the bay area. I might have visited Aimee, or possibly that was on a different trip. I don't rememember which friend that happened to be driving north around that time stopped in the parking lot at James' condo for a very short visit where I probably was not as welcoming as I could have been.
Around this time, I read a copy of a book about manipulative people.
=Mental Manipulation: Identify and Outsmart the Manipulators and Develop Your Mental Strength, by Victor Sykes
Eventually, I obtained a few more copies, as I like to give this book to people that seem to be in abusive relationships. In one copy, I highlighted the parts that I felt applied to Susan's treatment of me. I think the highligher covered about 70% of the book. I eventually gave this copy to Susan and asked her to read it after explaining this.
One day, I told Susan that I was going to have a heart attack, and that I didn't want the children there. Without showing any concern, she drove away with Ben.
In February of 2020, shortly after my time at BrainJocks came to an end, I took a contract at Contentstack. I never really understood what my role there was supposed to be, but I tried to define one for myself. While most headless CMS implementations use JavaScript and related technologies, I investigated Contentstack using .NET and wrote numerous blog posts on the topic. They paid me very well to work for about three hours each day.
2021: I Move Out, and Then Susan Moves Out
By January of 2021, it was clear that Susan was going to stall the divorce and her relocation for as long as possible. By this time, I absolutely couldn't stand her presence in my house. Though we had agreed that I would keep the house, mo matter how many times I reminded her, she just wouldn't leave - she wasn't even looking for a place to live. I am not sure if she was in denial or trying to prevent me from divorcing her.
I continued working at Contenstack through 2021. Eventually, a guy named Peter who had previously worked at Sitecore joined Contentstack in a partner management role and I worked for him.
I rented a furnished studio not far from my house. As it turned out, the landlord Lisa, who lived upstairs, had helped several people through emotional and psychological issues such as divorce and possibly other issues such as addiction. The unit had shelves full of relevant books, but I didn't make time for them. I did enjoy email and in-person conversations with Lisa.
Unfortunately, the workspace in the studio was not very good for ergonimics, or maybe I used that as an excuse, but I spent most of my days at the house. I would drive from the studio to the house to meet the boys before breakfast, then possibly take them to school, then work on the property or in my office, then possibly pick up the boys after school, and generally stay until dinner. This allowed me to spend as much time as possible with the boys, and to reduce what I assumed would be Susan talking badly about me when I wasn't there. I would return to the studio mostly to sleep.
In April of 2021, I turned 48 years old. This was my fourth tripple-ox year, and again, I don't remember feeling especialy empowered.
In June of 2021, there was a heat wave in the Pacific Northwest (PNW), which includes the west coast of the United States and Canada as well as an area of the Pacific Ocean nearby. Scientists estimated that this event had caused the death of more than a billion sea creatures. Being someone who has been concerned about climate change for almost three decades, at breakfast, I was trying to explain to my boys what had happened, and that we needed to make greater efforts to reduce our emissions, specificaly by reducing our travel and general consumption.
Susan has never taken climate change seriously. In fact, as someone who always feels cold (possibly somewhat generic, but also likely because her heart heart is not strong due to her complete lack of exercise), she has actually made statements incouraging global warming.
As soon as I mentioned the dieoff, Susan immediately objected, stating specifically "Sounds like they have too much life up there." I don't remember how the boys reacted - they seem to care about animals - but I was shocked and disgusted. This was probably my last straw with Susan.
In June or July of 2021, when I came to the house one morning, my older son John was unusually still and immediately wanted to have a conversation with me, both of which are incredibly unusual. Clearly needing privacy, we went to my office in the basement.
For context, my boys have basically never had any relationship with their grandparents. My father doesn't like visitors, especially children, and would never do anything to forge a relationship with them. Judy, his second wife, was an unpleasant drunk, and also not great with relationships. She died a few years after my children were born, I think maybe 2016. Susan's parents were unpleasant Chinese people with extreme expectations of their child and grandchildren, lived in New Jersey (on the other side of the United States), barely spoke any English, and rarely visited.
That morning, John was really upset, basically close to tears. He told me that his mother had put her mother on the phone with him, which would be highly unusual as they had basically no relationship. She had told him things like that I never wanted children and that I would only see him on his birthday. If Susan had said these things to the children, it would have been a violation of principles described in a class that the State of Oregon had forced us to before proceeding with the divorce.
I flew into a rage. I remember yelling at Susan in front of the kids. One specific phrase was something like, "I'm here to protect these children...from people like you!". On hearing that, Ben seemed to achieve some realization of the situation and responded "Ohhh....", as if he finally understood something about my reason for the divorce.
I asked Ben if Susan's mother had said similar things to him. He said that Susan had put her on the phone with him, but that he couldn't understand what she was saying (strong Chinese accent and bad English worsened by cellphone connection) and that he basically ignored her.
Shortly afterwards, when I got to the house in the morning, I went directly into Ben's room because Susan was there. She would not make eye contact with me, as if she knew what was coming. I was very firm with Susan that it was time for her to leave.
Telling the children selling the condo
At some point, I started working with a Realtor named Suzanne to try to find a house for Susan. Because I wanted her to care for the children, I had already given Susan about $1,000,000 that she hadn't earned and really didn't deserve. She had generally maximized her retirement investments, so she had another $800,000 there, and her remaining income didn't come anywhere close to covering even her costs, let alone the costs of the children. Regardless, I would have paid $200,000 as a down payment.
Suzanne and I looked at two specific places. The second one would have been really good for Susan - walking distance to the school where Ben would likely stay through twelfth grade, not too far from John's current school as well as the public school that he was likely to attend. There was even a room where Susan's parents could stay, or even live, though that would likely not happen until one of them died. I got Steve to look at the house and I even got Susan to check it out. Susan, on advice from her parents, said that she should not rush into a decision at this time.
Being Chinese, schools are very important to Susan, and she wanted to get the boys into a different public school district even though Ben was almost certain to continue at private school and John was almost certain to drop out of high school. Susan must still have entertained thoughts of John somehow becoming an academic, because she decided to rent a house in a completely different school district that was at least 30 minutes away from John's current school driving.
Susan moved out before August of 2021. She often makes ridiculous decisions. Because I care for the environment and don't like my boys sitting in traffic, I was somewhat frustrated by this decision, but luckily I didn't have to drive out there frequently.
I was extremely happy when Susan moved out. Other than responsibilities such as parenting and home maintenance, and restrictions such as the inability to travel due to parenting commmitments, I had complete freedom to live how I wanted and raise my boys however I chose.
In celebration, I invited my three brothers to come and visit in late September. One night, we went to the bar closest to my house. When it was time to leave, I motioned to an overweight girl at the bar that she should come with us. I explained that my brothers and I were going to continue drinking at my house, and told her where that was, and she drove over shortly after us.
I think her name started with a J. She was not very attractive, but I liked her. Even though she claimed to have a boyfriend, we ended up having sex in the master bedroom that night. Within a week, she came over again. While we were having sex, I explained that I felt like I was using her, and she got up and left. I have seen her at that bar a few times since then, which is always kindof awkward, but we have talked and there seems to be no animosity. My brother still give me a hard time about this event.
//TODO: what was her name?
On another night, my brothers wanted to go to a strip club. Portland is somewhat famous for these, but I never go. The only other time I've been to a strip club was at my bachelor party, which was somewhat depressing.
We went to a club where the show seemed somewhat artsy instead of just dirty. I talked to a woman that was with another woman, most likley lesbians. Her companion seemed intimidated by me, like I was hitting on her date or something. My brothers stayed at the club; I went home relatively early. My older and younger brothers apparently left my half-brother at the club with a dying phone. He was frustrated with them, but now that it's over, it's mostly just another story.
Actually, at this point, I think Susan and I were still having sex sometimes. Both of us honestly needed some occasional affection and we had were basically used to doing this through decades of a bad relationship. Over the years, the sex had become more aggressive. For example, I would sometimes slap susan and call her a bitch, a slut, and a whore. She didn't always like this, but she accepteed it, and honestly sometimes she did seem to like it. She definitely knows that she's a bitch and that I was justified in slapping her.
My timeline for these events may be inaccurate. I think am relatively certain Susan had moved out in the summer of 2021, but it seems that she and the boys were living with me around Christmas that year. It's possible that she had moved back in temporarily for the winter holidays. Or maybe she moved in temporarily after she totalled the while 2012 Subaru Outback 3.6R that I had bought for her (traded in the black 2000 Accord V6 that I had bought for her).
I think it was shortly before Christmas that she totalled that car. I think she was returning from a medical appointment for Ben on the east side of Portland, who was apparently on a device in the back seat and not wearing his seatbelt when the accident happened, but was only minorly injured from being thrown against the back f her seat. After she called me, I drove over in the Toyota to collect them. The car didn't look totalled, but modern cars are not really designed to be repaired economically.
Afterward, she claimed that her parents had called her while she was driving. Of course, she should not have answered her phone. She said that she looked away from the road when they said something annoying. The car in front of her might have braked, and she rear-ended it. She'as actually a really bad driver, as anyone that has been in a car with her (including at least my older son) would tell you. She tried to blame her parents, but I wouldn't hear it.
I was pretty angry, as She had taken the Subaru during the divorce process. That car was great, had us as the only owner, had relatively low mileage, had been well-maintaiined, and would be impossible to replace. I was driving old junkers including a black 1999 BMW M3 that was not great for the kids and gave me endless problems as well as an old green Toyota Tacoma that I had bought from Andy, which was also not great for the kids. If I had taken the Subaru, I would likely still be driving that car. Neither of these vehicles was good in winter, when roads in Oregon can get danegrously icy. Interestingly, Susan has always refused to get winter tires, even though she told me that even the Subaru all-whell-drive outback slips on slopes.
She never apologized for the accident, but at one point she did seem to be offering her ass to me, which is about as close as she could get to an apology. This seemed to happen in John's bedroom, so maybe I am right about the dates - maybe I had moved back into the master bedroom and she was sleeping in John's room. The basement is very cold and she doesn't like cold.
It seemed like she used the excuse of not having a car to stay at my house for longer than we had agreed, though obviously she could have bought or rented a car. I bought the silver 2022 Outback XT that I still have, expecting it to be an equivalent vehicle. I remember telling the salesperson that I didn't want anything with a touchscreen, but apparnetly by this time all vehicles in the US had touchscreens. I relented and bought the car sight-unseen. This was during Covid, auto manufacturers were challenged to meet demand and the prices of used vehicles were very high. The car itself is great, but I really don't like the touchscreen.
When did Susan total the Subaru?