To My Kids

To My Kids

I have been writing for my entire life. Recently, I've been trying to write for you. I've tried a few different approaches - something like a book, something like articles, and now what I think is a letter that will introduce a collection that I'm leaving behind.

I know it's a lot. I have so much that I want to share that I'm afraid I'll forget important pieces or won't have time for all of it. This letter is my attempt to convey and link to the most important things.

This will contain some links to things that are both in this collection and and posted on my blog. The content in these files might be a little better than the content on the blog. The links to blog posts are included for potential convenience or in case the writing project doesn't work; read the files instead if you can. It's not likely, but there's a chance that the blog posts could have some comments from other people.

Why I Wasn't Around

I don't mean to make excuses. I just feel a need to explain why I wasn't present more in your childhoods.

For one thing, I'm not very good with children. I like to write and talk about topics that are more appropriate for adults. I don't want to always lecture you. While you are young, you would not understand or remember much of what I would have to say. I think it's better for me to leave behind something like this for you.

What I Wanted for You

Before you were born, especially the boys, I guess I expected that you would somehow start from where I left off in life - with all of the learning I've achieved from my mistakes and other experiences.

This is impossible. You can try to learn from me, but you will need to make and learn from your own mistakes, which will likely be very different from mine.

start where I left off

What I Want for You

Be yourselves, be happy, do what you want

Social Constructs

So much of what you think is a social construct - not necessarily something that you would have thought without society and other people influencing your thoughts. Some important examples include gender roles, which means what people expect from you as a man or woman, and relationship roles, which means what a life partner might expect from you.

You don't have to accept any of that. You can just be yourself, define what is important to you and how you want to behave.

Figure Out What You Want

//TODO: values post what do you Value

Apologize and Forgive

//TODO: Apologize and Forgive

Study Psychology

I don't mean that you should get a degree in psychology, but I do advise taking psychology courses in college if possible. In any case, learn what you can about human psychology. This will help you to understand yourself and others and the world in general (such as why certain people might behave the way that they do), things to beware of in yourself, and some pointers for avoiding unhealthy relatiobships and habits.

I highly recommend a thorough study of logic, debate, critical thinking, media literacy, and related disciplines.

I tried to put some of the topics that I consider to be most important here:

Most importantly, avoid people that try to manipulate you emotionally or are otherwise abusive. I doubt I'll complete it, but I've written a great deal of content on this topic.

Relationships

Your most important relationship is with yourself. You don't have to be in a relationship with anyone to be happy.

Nor do you have to stay in a relationship that doesn't bring you happiness. I don't know what to say about love and commitment. Especially when you're young, love can often be infatuation. Romantic love often fades over time. It's possible to feel love for someone at one time and not feel it at another time. If you expressed a commitment based on that feeling, it won't be the same version you that has to meet or break that commitment. I don't mean that you shouldn't commit, but that you should be realistic. If you want to be in a committed relationship, it's important for both people to recommit basically every day, for example by expressing love, rather than committing once and relying on that, for example by getting married.

Along with trust and care, communication is a cornerstone of any relationship.

One challenge with relationships is expectations, both yours and those of your partner. Communicate your expectations and try to understand theirs.

When you get old, if you haven't had a great relationship for most of your life, you may realize that relationships in general had some pleasant moments, but also many drawbacks, and were largely a waste of time.

What I really wouldn't want would be for you to get stuck in a relationship with a person that isn't good for you. It's important to walk away from people that don't treat you well.

You Are Unique

Don't expect other people to be like you. If you're honest, don't expect others to be honest. In general, you shouldn't trust anyone, even after you've gotten to know them. Almost anyone will prioritize their own self-interest above yours. People often don't even realize when they're being dishonest. In fact, many people are not very conscious or conscientious.

Beware of Scams

Marketing is often a scam. Advertisements can appear where you don't expect them, such as product placements in videos or "influencer" reviews of products.

Take Care of Your Health

Make Time for Yourself

music, outdoor activities, social engagements, time alone get away and reconsider everything

Read

By suggesting that you read, I mean at least two things. One is that I recommend constantly absorbing information on whatever topics interest you. That can come through numerous channels such as videos and podcasts and whatever the future holds, but I also highly recommend reading books. As a child, I never read much, which now seems like a waste of time because there is so much that I want to read.

It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it. -- Oscar Wilde

The point of this quote is that the information that you consume in advance shapes you and prepares you for what comes later. The more that you intake, the wider your perspective and the better prepared you will be.

Write

I can't seem to help but write. It's basically my favorite thing to do. I don't know what would be the point of having all of these thoughts if I didn't write them down - I can't remember them and don't even have time to think about everything that I would want to.

I don't mean that you have to write with a pen or a keyboard. It can be just as useful to simply talk into an audio recorder. If you are going through a difficult time or your thoughts are otherwise cycling, writing them down or speaking them as if you're trying to tell someone else can help you clarify and understand yourself and get those repetitive thoughts out of your head.

Journaling is one of the most valuable writing techniques. You don't have to write with any reader in mind; journaling is great for private thoughts or when you want to express things that nobody else wants to hear. You can periodically do the same journaling exercises to explore how experiences have changed your thinking over time.

Avoid Being Manipulated

Managing Money

Plan Your life

You will get more value out of life if you plan some of it in advance, such as what to study in college and where to live, instead of just letting things happen. This doesn't mean that you always have to stick to your plan, just that you should have one.

Don't always be in a rush. Make time to prepare for the future.

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
--Abraham Lincoln

This means that you should prepare before acting, for example through education and by researching and thinking.

Travel

//TODO: Values post //TODO: link to post with youtube feed, etc.