Summary: 7 Personality Types You Should Never Trust - "Alan Watts"

//TODO:

Summary: 7 Personality Types You Should Never Trust - "Alan Watts"

This article summarizes key points in the video "Watch "7 Personality Types You Should Never Trust - Alan Watts", including a few points of my own. I've seen numerous AI fakes of Alan Watts, so I don't know whether this video uses his voice or even his words. I still found the content valuable because I have dealt with dangerous people that span many of these types and one of my goals in writing is to warn my boys about how to identify risks. Most importantly, you definitely don't want to date such people, be in a committed relationship with them, and especially not marriage.

Originally published to:

Not only should you not trust people with these traits, but you should avoid them altogether, and also warn others about them. Additionally, the worst are those that have multiple characteristics described in this list, which certainly overlap. Individuals may develop these personality characteristics to achieve emotional control over others with more compassion. These people can be very slippery, as they have learned that exposing their true selves too soon will cause others to abandon them. In many cases, entertaining and helping such people simply enables them.

Watts states that you should not avoid these people with judgment, hostility, or contempt but out of wisdom and in your own best interest. He uses a metaphor about a scorpion that stings not because it is evil, but because it is a scorpion. He also notes that we should recognize and avoid these characteristics in ourselves.

The Perpetual Victim

The Chronic Manipulator

The Righteous Crusader

The Chronic Liar

The User

The Envious Destroyer

The Chaos Merchant

Comments

Feel free to comment here:

Raw Transcript

By:

00:00:00 You know, throughout my years of studying human nature, both in the east and the west, I've observed certain patterns in people. Patterns that repeat themselves across cultures, across generations, across all walks of life. And while I hesitate to speak in absolutes, because life is far too fluid and mysterious for rigid categorizations. There are indeed certain types of personalities that one must approach with great caution. Not out of judgment, mind you, but out of wisdom. Out of a clear understanding of human psychology

00:00:30 and the games people play, often without even knowing they're playing them. Now, when I speak of not trusting these personality types, I don't mean you should treat them with hostility or contempt. What I mean is that you must see them clearly without illusion, without the naive hope that they will suddenly become something other than what they are. You must understand their nature just as you would understand the nature of a scorpion or a snake. The scorpion stings not because it is evil

00:01:01 but because it is a scorpion. And to trust a scorpion not to sting you is not compassion. It is foolishness. So let us examine these seven types. And as I describe them, you may recognize people in your own life. You may even recognize aspects of yourself. For we all contain multitudes and we all play these roles at various times. The question is whether we're conscious of it, whether we're trapped in these patterns, or whether we can see them and move beyond them. The first personality type you

00:01:32 must not [music] trust is what I call the perpetual victim. This is the person for whom nothing is ever their fault. Everything that happens to them is the result of external [music] circumstances, other people's cruelty, bad luck or cosmic injustice. They have an explanation for every failure, every disappointment, every broken relationship and in every explanation they are blameless. Now, life does indeed bring genuine suffering. We all experience loss, hardship, [music] betrayal. This is the nature of

00:02:05 existence in a world of change and impermanence. But the perpetual victim has turned suffering into an identity. They wear their wounds like badges of honor. They've constructed their entire sense of self around being wronged, being misunderstood, being unfairly treated. And here's why. You cannot trust such a person. They will eventually cast you in the role of oppressor. It's inevitable. Because their psychology requires an enemy, a source of their suffering. At first you may be the savior, the one who

00:02:38 understands them, the one who will finally treat them right. But given enough time, you will do something perhaps quite innocuous that they will interpret as betrayal or abandonment. And suddenly you will become just another person who hurt them, just another chapter in their endless story of victimization. The perpetual victim cannot take responsibility and a [music] person who cannot take responsibility cannot be trusted. Why? Because they cannot see their own role in creating their circumstances. They cannot see how their

00:03:12 own patterns, their own choices, their own interpretations contribute to their suffering. And if they cannot see their part in past difficulties, how can you trust them to behave differently in the future? Moreover, the perpetual victim will drain you. They will take your energy, your compassion, your resources, and it will never be enough [music] because what they're really seeking is not help, but validation of their victim identity. They don't want solutions. Solutions would threaten their identity.

00:03:45 What they want is someone to agree with them that the world is cruel and they are its innocent target. I remember speaking with a man once who told me he had been betrayed by every friend he'd ever had, [music] cheated by every business partner, abandoned by every woman he'd loved, and uh as he told me this, he seemed almost proud of it, as if his life of betrayals proved something about his noble character struggling in an ignoble world. I asked him, "In all these betrayals, did you

00:04:13 never once consider your own part in attracting or creating these situations?" He looked at me as if I had slapped him. The question was unbearable to him because it threatened the very foundation of his identity. The second type is the chronic manipulator. This type is harder to identify at first because manipulators are often charming and skilled at reading people. They don't use direct force, but rely on emotional pressure, guilt, and the desire to be liked or needed. For them, relationships are games to be won. Every

00:04:46 interaction is a move to gain some advantage. Often so habitual they don't even realize they're doing it. To recognize a manipulator, pay attention to how you feel [music] around them. Do you often feel guilty or pressured to help? Do you end up doing things you didn't want to? Manipulators know which emotional buttons to push. They might guilt you with lines like, "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine alone." Or remind you of favors they've done to make you comply. You can't trust a manipulator

00:05:15 because their relationships are built on hidden agendas. Their kindness always comes with strings attached and every favor carries an unseen price. I once knew a woman who could make you feel grateful just for helping her. She never asked directly. She'd sigh, mention how hard things were, and before you knew it, [music] you were solving her problems for her while she smiled and thanked you. The tragedy of the manipulator is that they never form genuine connections. They're always performing, calculating, [music] and

00:05:45 controlling, surrounded by people, yet always alone. The third personality type to be wary of is what I call the righteous crusader. This is the person who is absolutely certain they are right about everything. They have discovered the truth, whether it's a religious truth, a political ideology, a dietary philosophy, or a moral code, and now they're on a mission to convert everyone else. Now, having convictions is not the problem. Having passion for what you believe is not the problem. The problem

00:06:15 is the absolute certainty, the complete inability to entertain doubt, the total identification with their position. The righteous crusader doesn't hold beliefs. They are their beliefs. Any questioning of their position is experienced as a personal attack. These are dangerous people because they're willing to sacrifice anything and anyone for their cause. Human relationships, compassion, even [music] truth itself become secondary to the mission. They divide the world into the enlightened and the

00:06:42 unenlightened, the saved and the damned, the pure and the corrupt. And they place themselves [music] naturally, firmly in the category of the righteous. The righteous crusader cannot be [music] trusted because they're fundamentally dishonest, even if they don't realize it. They're not interested in dialogue or understanding. They're interested in conversion. When they appear to listen to you, they're not really listening. and they're waiting for their turn to speak, [music] already formulating their

00:07:07 counterargument, already fitting what you say into their pre-existing framework. I remember encountering many such people in my early days of teaching about Eastern philosophy. Some would come to me already having decided that Buddhism was the answer to everything and they wanted me to confirm their certainty. When I would suggest that perhaps there [music] were many paths, that perhaps mystery was more important than certainty, they would become upset. I wasn't giving them what they wanted,

00:07:35 which was absolute validation of their position. The righteous crusader is often driven by fear. Fear of uncertainty, fear of the vast unknowability of existence, fear of their own doubts. They've constructed a rigid belief system to protect themselves from the terrible openness of not knowing. And they cling to this system with desperation because without it, they would have to face the abyss. You cannot trust them because they will eventually demand that you conform to their beliefs. There will come a point

00:08:08 where your friendship, your relationship, your value in their eyes [music] becomes conditional on your agreement with their worldview. And if you don't agree, you become the enemy, the obstacle to truth, the person leading others astray. The fourth type is the chronic liar. This one seems obvious, but it's often more subtle than it appears. Chronic liars aren't just people [music] who tell blatant falsehoods. They're those for whom truth holds no real value. Reality to them is whatever serves their purpose in the

00:08:39 moment. They don't lie about everything. Often they tell enough truth to make their lies believable. That's what makes them dangerous. They blend honesty and deception so skillfully that you can't tell where one ends and the other begins. What separates them from someone who lies occasionally is their [music] lack of connection to truth as a principle. They feel no guilt or discomfort when twisting reality. Lying becomes second nature and over time they may even start believing their own

00:09:08 fabrications. You can't trust a chronic liar because their words have no stable foundation. Their identity shifts constantly like a chameleon [music] adapting to its surroundings. Without truth, there's no real self and no real relationship. All that's left is a performance, a shifting mask you can never see behind. The fifth personality type is the [music] user. This is the person who sees others purely as instruments for their own purposes. They're friendly when they need something, distant or disappearing

00:09:40 when they don't. Their affection is transactional. Their loyalty lasts exactly as long as you're useful to them. Now all relationships involve some degree of mutual benefit. This is natural and not problematic [music] in itself. We help each other. We support each other. We exchange value. But the user takes this to an extreme. They have no genuine interest in you as a person. They don't care about your well-being, [music] your growth, your happiness, except in so far as these things might

00:10:10 affect their ability to use you. The user is often quite skilled at making you feel special. When they need you, they can be incredibly attentive, complimentary, engaging. They know [music] how to make you feel valued and important. But notice what happens when they've gotten what they wanted from you, or when you're no longer in a position to provide them with something they need. Suddenly, they're unavailable. Your messages go unanswered. They're always too busy to meet. And if you do encounter them,

00:10:41 they're polite but distant, their eyes already scanning the room for someone more useful. I remember a fellow I knew years ago who had an extraordinary network of connections. He seemed to know everyone and everyone seemed to like him. But I noticed a pattern. He would attach himself to people who were successful or influential, cultivate their friendship intensively for a period, extract whatever benefit he could, introductions, opportunities, resources, and then move on to the next target. Those he'd used would later

00:11:15 speak of him with a puzzled sense of [music] hurt, unable to quite articulate what had happened, but feeling somehow diminished by the encounter. You cannot trust a user because their regard for you is entirely conditional. The moment you cease to be useful through a change in your circumstances, [music] their circumstances, or simply because they've exhausted your utility, you will be discarded. And they will feel no guilt about this. Because to them, this is simply how relationships work. People

00:11:44 are resources to be exploited, not souls to be cherished. The user [music] represents a profound poverty of spirit. They move through life taking, consuming, [music] extracting, but never truly connecting. They accumulate contacts but have no friends. They may achieve material success, but they live in a desert of their own making, [music] surrounded by people, but utterly alone. The sixth type is the envious destroyer, the person who cannot bear others success or happiness. If they can't have

00:12:15 what you have, they'd rather see it ruined. Envy isn't about wanting to possess. It's about wanting [music] to destroy. This type often hides behind concern or honest criticism. They'll point out flaws, predict failure, or downplay your success, claiming they're just being realistic. But after spending time with them, you don't feel supported. You feel smaller, doubtful, drained. The envious destroyer is most dangerous when [music] close to you because their envy is often unconscious.

00:12:48 They may believe they care, [music] but beneath it lies a wish that you'd fail or fall. I once knew a man whose friend always created crises right after his successes, demanding attention and pulling him back down. It took years for him to see that his friend couldn't stand being outshined. You can't trust the envious destroyer because your light wounds them, [music] and wounded people often wound others in return. The seventh and final type is what I call the chaos merchant. This is the person

00:13:16 who seems to attract drama and crisis wherever they go. Their life is always in turmoil. [music] There's always an emergency, always a disaster, always some terrible situation unfolding. And somehow they always manage to pull others into their chaos. Now, some people genuinely experience difficult circumstances. Life can be hard and sometimes people face genuine crises through no fault of their own. But the chaos merchant is different. For them, chaos is not an occasional visitor. It's a permanent resident. [music] It's their

00:13:52 natural state, their comfort zone, perhaps even their identity. The chaos merchant creates drama because they're addicted to [music] intensity. Calm feels like death to them. Peace feels like absence. They've become so accustomed to crisis that they literally don't know how to function without it. And so when things start to settle down, when life begins to stabilize, they [music] unconsciously create a new crisis. They pick a fight. They make an impulsive decision. They create a problem where none existed. These people

00:14:26 are exhausting to be around because they're like a hurricane. Everything in their vicinity gets pulled into the storm. You think you're being helpful by assisting them with their latest crisis, but you're actually enabling their pattern. You're giving them the attention and intensity [music] they crave, which only reinforces their behavior. I remember a woman who would telephone me at all hours, always with some urgent situation. Her landlord was threatening to evict her. Her employer

00:14:51 was treating her unfairly. Her family was betraying her. Her health was failing. And she needed advice, support, help immediately. For a time, I tried to assist her, but I began to notice that no matter how the crisis was resolved, there was always a new one waiting in the wings. The moment one drama concluded, another began. It was as if she were following a script, moving from crisis to crisis with perfect regularity. The chaos merchant cannot be [music] trusted because they will inevitably pull you into their chaos.

00:15:23 They will make their emergency your emergency. [music] They will make their drama your drama and your life which perhaps was relatively peaceful and stable will become turbulent and exhausting. Moreover, the chaos merchant cannot be relied upon for anything requiring stability or [music] consistency. They cannot keep commitments because their life is too chaotic. They cannot be there for you in your times of need because they're always in crisis themselves. The relationship becomes entirely one-sided

00:15:53 with you constantly giving and them constantly taking. In the end, the question is not whether these personality types exist. [music] Clearly, they do. The question is whether we have the wisdom to recognize them, the courage to acknowledge what we see, and the self-respect to act accordingly. This is not hardness of heart. This is clarity of vision. And clarity of vision is perhaps the [music] most compassionate thing we can offer both to ourselves and to others.