Be Virtuous

I suggest that you try to be virtuous. For every virtue, there can be a vice at the other end of the spectrum. This chapter discusses virtues and vices.

Your experiences in life, especially in religious institutions, may have given you the wrong idea about virtues. The purpose of maintaining virtues is not piety or the avoidance of sinful pleasures. Not only will developing virtues improve your character and benefit the lives of those with whom you interact, but it will lead you away from behaviors and decisions that will not lead to the best outcomes for you.

It can be important to avoid excess in any virtue. For example, while patience is a virtue, you can’t wait forever, and while honesty is generally the best policy, it is not always appropriate to be brutally honest with everyone about everything, and in fact there are times when deceitful words and actions are the most ethical choice.

Surround yourself with good people that have virtuous characteristics that you appreciate, respect, and want to develop in yourself. If you cannot surround yourself with such people, then focus on books, podcasts, and other resources from people that express these traits.

Laudable (as Opposed to Pitiful)

Comforting (as Opposed to Piteous)

Positive (as Opposed to Negative)

Aggreable (as Opposed to Belligerent)

Gracious, Appreciative, and Thankful (as Opposed to Ungracious, Unappreciative, and Unthankful)

//TODO: Grace

If you focus on what you have rather than what you lack, you can reduce stress and anxiety for yourself and those with whom you interact. Conscious appreciation can help you avoid sinking into depression, which is a risk for everyone at certain times. Gratitude can improve your immune system and sleeping habits. Expressing appreciation for others in your life assists in establishing a positive environment and deeper bonds of caring, respect, understanding, and mutual assistance, and increases your presence in the current moment, bringing joy to yourself and those around you. Gratitude fosters resiliency and the ability to cope with challenges. Recognizing and appreciating your skills, strengths, and achievements helps to build self-esteem and self-confidence. The more you recognize the good things in your life, the easier it is to extend generosity and kindness to others.

What you think to be your worst enemies and challenges can be your best teachers. Learn to recognize, face, and appreciate obstacles that provide opportunities for personal growth, learning, and the development of meaning in life.

Inclusive (as Opposed to Exclusive)

“There’s safety in numbers once we learn to divide. How can we be in, if there is no outside?” - Peter Gabriel, It’s Only Water (In a Stranger’s Tear)

Honesty and Truthfulness (as Opposed to Dishonesty and Deception)

Dishonesty is a toxic trait that will destroy you and your relationships with everyone in your life.

Patience (as Opposed to Impatience and Rushing)

Caring, Compassionate, Empathetic, and Sympathetic (as Opposed to Insensitive, Indifferent, Callous, and Unconcerned)

Compassion, empathy, and sympathy are related in that the development of one can enhance the development of the others.

Compassion refers to sympathetic consciousness and desire to reduce and alleviate the distress and suffering of sentient beings, including yourself and the entire planetary life system. Developing compassion may be the most fundamental process to achieving greater humanity and working to create a better world and life experience for yourself and others.

Empathy refers to consciousness, sensitivity, and vicarious experience of the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of other sentient beings. Beware of people that understand the feelings of others but use that knowledge for control or personal gain, such as by manipulating others’ empathy (“cognitive empathy” rather than “somatic empathy” or “affective empathy” (also known as "emotional empathy").

Sympathy refers to an awareness that causes the experiences of one to affect the experience of the other.

Intelligent (as Opposed Unintelligent)

Intelligence is not about being an academic or an intellectual or getting a good grade or a good job. It’s about making the right decisions for yourself.

Conscious (as Opposed to Unconscious)

Thoughtful of Others (as Opposed to Unthoughtlessness of Others)

Prudent (as Opposed to Imprudent)

Prudence refers to your ability to apply logic, reason, sagacity, discernment, and shrewdness, skill, caution, circumspection, and judgment to control your thoughts, actions, and resources, and to avoid unnecessary danger and risk.

Fair and Just (as Opposed to Unfair and Unjust) //TODO: injust?

While the terms are often used interchangeably, fairness implies impartiality and equality, where justice refers to upholding what is fair.

The world appears to be an unfair and unjust place, but that does not allow humanity to increase injustice. Justice only works if it applies to everyone, not just yourself. Recognize that you have advantages over others and work to increase the opportunities of those less fortunate than yourself. Be just in your interactions with others. Work for justice in your social circle, your larger environment, and the world at large.

Temperate and Mderate (as Opposed to Indulgenct and Addicted)

Brave, Courageous, and Strong (as Opposed to Cowardly, Faint-Hearted, and Weak)

Fortitude refers to strength of mind that allows a person to courageously overcome danger, pain, and adversity.

Resilient (as Opposed to Quitting)

Resilience refers to a person’s ability to cope with and recover from stressful experiences, such as the loss of a loved one (including death and the end of an intimate relationship), employment challenges, financial concerns, natural disasters, and medical emergencies. In addition to an ability to recover in the aftermath, people with particularly strong resilience characteristics can even have the ability to remain calm during adverse conditions rather, which can reduce the potential for developing symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Resilient people maintain focus and capability despite the setbacks that they inevitably face. They have the ability to locate and leverage resources that aid in their own recovery process and can typically assist others through challenging circumstances as well. They are not ashamed to request assistance when needed.

Faithful and Trusting (as Opposed to Untrusting)

While faith is associated with various belief systems, faith does not require one to follow any religion. One can have faith in the universe without believing in any god. Faith implies that a person trusts that negative experiences have value in their life by providing learning experiences and opportunities for growth. A faithful person believes that they will overcome their current challenges and that better things are coming.

Hopeful (as Opposed to Hopeless)

Charitable and Generous (as Opposed to Miserly, Selfish, and Possessive)

Chaste (as Opposed to Indulgent)

You may associate the word chastity with sexual abstinence, which is one possible connotation, but this is not its actual definition. Chastity can refer to one’s ability to restrain one’s urge to indulge in any gratifying behavior. You can view chastity as a form of self-control supporting temperance.

Tolerant and Accepting (as Opposed to Intollerent)

While you don’t need to support or agree with every permutation of humanity, you should tolerate others even if you cannot understand their motives. Intolerance has no value.

Assertive (as Opposed to Insecure)

Authentic (as Opposed to Disingenuous)

Beautiful (as Opposed to Ugly)

Cleanly, Neat, Orderly, and Organized (as Opposed to Dirty, Slovenly, Disorderly, and Disorganized)

Committed and Responsible (as Opposed to Commitment and Irresponsibile)

Confident (as Opposed to Insecure)

Considerate (as Opposed to Inconsiderate)

Content (as Opposed to Discontent, Envyious, and Jealous)

It’s better to be happy with what you have than unhappy with what you don’t.

Envy is not always bad and can drive positive behaviors, but jealousy has a negative connotation.

Cooperativity and Interdependence (as Opposed to Independence and Codependence)

Courteous and Polite (as Opposed to Discourteous and Impolite)

Creative ### Imaginative (as Opposed to Unimaginative)

Imagination allows us to see and experience things that do not exist or have not occurred. A person that lacks imagination can appear dull to others.

Considerate (as Opposed to Neglectful)

Detached (as Opposed to Attached)

Determined (as Opposed to Doubtful)

Dispassionate (as Opposed to Anxious)

Dignified and Honorable (as Opposed to Indignified and Dishonorable)

Diligent (as Opposed to Careless and Lazy)

Encouraging (as Opposed to Discouraging)

Enthusiastic (as Opposed to Apathetic)

Ethical and Moral (as Opposed to Unethical and Immoral)

Excellent (as Opposed to Mediocre or Poor)

Flexible and Spontaneous (as Opposed to Rigid and Fixed)

People who are overly set in their ways and cannot adapt to change cannot experience the breadth of life that may be available to them.

Forgiving (as Opposed to Merciless and Vengeful)

• Revenge
• Holding Grudges

Friendly (as Opposed to Unfriendly)

If you treat everyone that you meet as an old friend, then you will have good friends everywhere that you go.

There is no advantage in unfriendliness, under any circumstances. If you do not want to befriend someone, politely disengage.

Gentle and Kind (as Opposed to Mean and Unkind)

Good Counsel

Good Judgement

Gracious (as Opposed to Ungracious)

Harmonious (as Opposed to Discordant)

Helpful (as Opposed to Obstructive and Useless)

Humble and Modest (as Opposed to Arrogant, Boastful, Prideful, and Vain)

Be especially wary of people who are constantly taking photographs of themselves and posting them to social media feeds.

Avoid braggarts, including those that espouse their own charity efforts.

Idealistic (as Opposed to Cynical)

Inspired and Inspirational (as Opposed to Uninspired and Uninspirational)

Joyful (as Opposed to Depressive)

Leader (as Opposed to Follower)

Warm and Loving (as Opposed to Cold, Calous, Impersonal, and Emotionless)

Loyal and Devoted (as Opposed to Disloyal and Treacherous)

Obedient (as Opposed to Disobedient)

Optimistic (as Opposed to Pessimistic)

Passionate (as Opposed to Apathetic)

Peaceable and Peacefulness (as Opposed to Argumentative and Tumultuous)

Perseverant (as Opposed to Irresolute)

Preparedness (as Opposed to Ineptness)

Purposefulness (as Opposed to Aimlessness)

Reliable (as Opposed to Unreliabile)

Respectful (as Opposed to Disrespectful)

Reverent (as Opposed to Irreverent)

Self-controlled

Self-disciplined

Servicing (as Opposed to Using)

Sincere and Consistent (as Opposed to Insincere or Hyporcitical)

Sincerity refers to mental, verbal, and emotional honesty. Hypocrisy is a form of dishonesty in which an individual’s actions do not match their professed beliefs, feelings, or virtues falseness, often relating to moral causes. Hypocrites fail to live up to the standards that they define for others and claim for themselves, behave in ways that conflict with their words, and can make contradictory statements, especially in justifying their own hypocritical actions.

Hypocrisy can trigger emotional reactions in others that erode their authority on any topic or in general. As hypocrisy tangibly demonstrates dishonesty and a conflict that demonstrates a person’s own weakness, people are liable to disbelieve and devalue everything that a hypocrite states. While they may make valid statements and arguments, others are entitled to dismiss their arguments and reject all their views as invalid, demonstrating incompetence, insecurity, and intentional subterfuge.

Because, despite their own behavior, they can make valid arguments from a deserved position of authority, hypocrites can be difficult opponents in arguments. Maintain your focus on logic by addressing their words rather than their actions. In general, avoid interactions and especially relationships with hypocrites, which are often dishonest in other ways, such as cheating, infidelity, and so forth.

Tactful

A person with tact knows what to do or say in each situation in order to achieve their objectives without offending or upsetting others.

Tenaciousness

Tenaciousness refers to a person’s ability to persist and retain their personal integrity regardless of circumstances. A person should tenaciously reject peer pressure and other influences that encourage them to engage in activities that conflict with their personal value system.

Persistence is another form of tenaciousness. A person can tenaciously pursue their objectives. Employers are more likely to hire candidates that persistently contact them to seek work.

Tranquil (as Opposed to Disquet)

Equanimous (as Opposed to Agitated)

Equanimity is one of the most valuable traits that a person can develop.

Trustworthy (as Opposed to Untrustworthy)

Trust, but verify. If you want to trust and be trusted, be trustworthy.

Understanding (as Opposed to Ignorant)

United (as Opposed to Disunited)

Visionary (as Opposed Defeatist or Excessively Pragmatic)

Wise (as Opposed to Ignoranct)

//TODO: Willful vs. unintentional ignorance

Wonderous

Wonder refers to a natural sense of appreciation that everyone seems to have in childhood but many lose over time as they become jaded by their experiences. The ability to maintain youthful wonder leads to a greater share of positive experiences, especially when sharing that wonder with others.

Focused (as Opposed to Distractable)

Beneficient

Beneficence refers to doing good things and producing good work. While this may be somewhat redundant with all other positive virtues and values, it can be a valuable topic for contemplation and meditation.

Free from Results

Mediative and Compromising (as Opposed Conflicting and Stubborn)

Conflict is generally an opportunity for communication, compassion, and compromise. Mediation can involve intervention between conflicting parties to reach reconciliation, settlement, and compromise.

Risk-taking (as Opposed to Surety-seeking)

Risk and reward are intertwined: increasing risk can maximize rewards. Financial investments that can appear risky can derive great returns, though they can also result in complete loss. While it is important to take some risks, too much can result in catastrophe.

Introspective (as Opposed to Flamboyant)

Upright (as Opposed to Lacking Integrity)

While integrity can refer to maintaining a steadfast character, adhering to a specific set of morals or ethics, it can also refer to integration. In the context of virtues, consider integrity as the recognition, acceptance, and integration of your dark side, or your shadow, into your personality. Instead of denying or fighting your negative characteristics, recognize them and use them to your advantage. For example, if you are quick to anger, recognize that characteristic, determine the source of your anger, address that root cause, and attempt to use the anger energy in positive ways, such as to change the conditions that lead you to anger.